Heaving a sigh, Mike Collins got up and closed his office window. It was a hot day, but he simply couldn't handle another minute of the gibberish assaulting his ears from the street below. Dialling the City Council complaint line once again, he waited on hold awhile and then gave it up. I know what they're going to tell me, he thought. He has the right to be there. He has the right to spout. Well what about my right to peace and quiet? Deciding it was break time; he headed for a cup of coffee.
"Hi Ray, how's it going?"
"Hey, Mike. You look agitated, what's up?"
"Oh, it's that damn lunatic in the street again. Out there pitching salvation, as if anyone cares. He drives me crazy!"
Ray nodded in sympathy. "Yeah, i'm lucky, I can't hear him from my office, but others are complaining. Council still won't get rid of him, eh?"
Mike scowled. "No. He's within his rights as long as he doesn't use a loud hailer."
Ray looked thoughtful. "You know, I just might have an idea. Let me make a call and get back to you later."
Mike gave him a hopeful smile and went back to his desk.
Commandeering his usual spot a couple of days later, Father Jack donned his sandwich board and got out his good book and prepared to spread the word. "Hear me now, brethren! The Lord has sent me to..."
"I am here, good people! I am here to bring you dire tidings of evil among us!"
Father Jack spun around and stared across the street. There on the opposite curb stood another street preacher. He was dumbstruck and listened as the intruder carried on.
"Yes, evil, I tell you! Among you is one who is an imposter. A charlatan. A wolf in sheep's clothing!"
As Father Jack looked on in horror, the upstart pointed his finger directly at him and thundered, "There! There is the one of which I speak!"
Father Jack, feeling a righteous fury duelling with a fearsome dread within him strode across the street, tires squealing, horns honking, and confronted his nemesis. "Who are you? How dare you besmirch my name? I am anointed by God! I am his vessel!"
The other drew up to his full height. "I, sir, am the Lamb of God! I am sent from on high to warn these good citizens of the spawn of Satan that pretends!"
Father Jack began circling. His opponent stood his ground and took no notice. "Hear me good citizens. God has sent me to speak of the one true light. To lead you away from the blasphemous impostor among you!" He turned and again pointed at Father Jack.
A large crowd had formed around them, some staring open-mouthed, others grinning, openly hoping the conflict might escalate. A few began jeering; an old woman at the front crossed herself and scurried for safety.
Father Jack had heard enough. "Get thee behind me Satan! You! You are the impostor! This is my flock. These are my charges. This will not stand!" He stormed off to the police station down the street as the crowd went about its business.
Officer Johnson nodded his head patiently. "I'm sorry Jack, there's nothing we can do. He has the same right to free speech you do."
"But, I am the vessel of the Lord! Surely he has no right to slander me!"
"Look, unless he assaults you, he's got every right to speak. I'm sorry, we can't interfere as long as no laws are being broken."
"The Lord will not look kindly upon this!" Gathering what remained of his dignity, he withdrew from the premeses and returned to his station.
Noting with disgust that his opponent was still holding forth, he took up his place and spoke with all his might. "Good people! The earthly powers that be are not with the Lord. I must announce that I will carry on my ministry in another part of town. A place where Satan shall not prevail!" He looked pointed at his nemesis and strode off down the street, his head held high.
The next day Mike went to Ray's office, a big smile plastered on his face. "You, sir, are a genius. He got out his wallet and handed over some money. "Tell your friend i'd also like to take him out to dinner, i'm sure an out of work actor can always use a good meal as well as cash."
"Sure thing," Ray grinned. "Glad I thought of it. Everybody on your side of the office is thrilled."
